A Trip to Wal-Mart
by Neiko
Summary: A stupid name...I know...this is a story about what happens in my insane little mind when the G-boys go to Wal-Mart...


A Trip To Wal-Mart  
  
(a/n: This is just something my friend and I were thinking about one day standing in front of a Wal-Mart...or was it a K-Mart? Um...anyways...I hope you enjoy it! ^.^;;)  
  
"Oh come on Heero!" Relena pleaded in her highly annoying voice. "You need a change of surroundings! Just look!"   
  
Heero was about to pull his perfectly concealed gun and blow Relena's head off when he remembered that he had acquired the emotion of caring for her, and he didn't know if she had a brain. He looked around hoping to shut her up for a while and what he saw scared him for the first time in his life.   
  
Duo was sprawled on a couch watching t.v. and stuffing potato chips in his mouth. Trowa was standing in the middle of the room staring at nothing. Quatre was in the kitchen cooking a well-balanced meal in a pink apron, and Wu Fei was sticking his head out of the window and throwing knives at neighborhood dogs while yelling "Weaklings!"  
  
Heero looked back to Relena, who had an "I told you so" look on her face. "See?" She asked in triumph. She suddenly noticed that Heero looked no different. She thought that this would've been easier...She put on big watery eyes. "Pleeeeaaaase?" Heero just looked at her blankly, as he so often does. At this point Duo saw then and hopped up to Relena while brushing crumbs off his clothes. Ignoring the fact that Heero was standing right in front of him he looked to Relena and said, "No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong!" Relena looked at him. "Oh really?" He nodded, "Yeah I've done this a million times." Relena just watched. Duo turned to Heero.   
  
"Heero, we have a new mission." Heero suddenly seemed to be listening. "Relenas gonna tell ya it." He looked at Relena. She stood there in confusion. He poked Relena. She tried to figure out what was going on. Duo leaned over slightly and told her to tell him whatever she wanted him to do.   
  
"Oooooooooh" She oh'd. "Heero, our mission is to go shopping and buy whatever we can, plus some we can't."   
  
Heero looked back at her still showing no emotion whatsoever. He said in the dull monotone he always uses when he gets a mission and replied, "Mission, accepted."   
  
  
After a long journey via Yugo they finally reached Relena' destination, Wal-Mart. When the now even more battered car was parked Relena jumped out with the lightning speed she uses to miraculously dodge bullets and ran towards the magical sliding doors. Before she could run through them as they opened, she ran into someone tall. She fell backwards and looked up, right into the face of Treize. She blinked in confusion (again) trying to figure out what the heck he'd be doing here as the Gundam pilots walked up behind her. As soon as Wu Fei saw Treize he screamed and ran through the glass doors. Everyone blankly turned to Treize who shrugged very out-of-character-like.   
  
"How nice to see you! What might you be doing here?" Quatre chirped. Treize pointed to Lady Une who was walking through the doors carrying a truckload of coupons for hair ribbons. She yelled for Treize and he slowly and reluctantly followed her in.   
Wu Fei  
  
Wu Fei had run straight into the pet food isle and now stood still, armed to the teeth in knives and glaring at the dog food bags. "Stay away from me you WEAKLINGS!" He yelled to the little drawn puppies dancing around on the bags. He then let loose a barrage of knives on the bags and a large clamor of spilling kibbles filled the air as he laughed maniacally.   
  
Trowa  
  
Trowa stood at the entrance to Wal-Mart. He looked around, and just stood there. His eyes glazed over from lack of blinking.   
  
Quatre  
  
Quatre had busied himself with running around and complimenting everyone for the time being. So far, the casualty number was at 3.   
  
Duo  
  
Duo never got by the second batch of magical sliding doors. He caught sight of something even more magical. Games. He walked over to them and saw the dreaded crane game. He looked at it for a second and went to get change for a 5.   
  
Heero and Relena   
  
Heero went with Relena and bought her everything she saw. When he finally ran out of money, he realized he couldn't buy anything else. His eyes got wide (for him) and walked to the middle of an aisle and started to climb up the shelves.   
  
"Heero...what are you doing?" Relena said as she looked up at the climbing Heero.   
  
"Mission, failure." He said monotonously.   
  
"No!! No wait Heero! That's not true!! It's a mission SETBACK! A SETBACK!"   
  
"It's my fault..." He said bleakly as he got to the top. He jumped off.   
  
"Noooooooo!!! Heeeeeerooooooooooo!" Relena screamed. People peeked into the aisle to see what was happening. What met their eyes was a boy laying on the ground, and a girl screaming. Suddenly, Heero sat up. He blinked.   
  
"I'm not dead?" He asked.  
  
"Heero! You're ok!" Relena gasped in happiness.   
  
Heero got up and climbed up the shelf again.   
  
Treize  
  
Treize had been sidetracked from picking out more ribbons with Lady Une, by the bath aisle. He walked down it cautiously and sniffed. The smell of Rose scents and herb blossoms filled his head. He looked around joy filling his face. "R-rose sc-scents." He started dancing ballet through the bath soap aisle.   
  
Lady Une  
  
Lady Une turned her gaze away from the ribbons to hear a sarcastically happy voice call out,  
  
"Hello Colonel Une!" She turned to see Noin looking at her. She growled in annoyance.  
  
"No! You don't' say it Eeeeeeeeewn like Ew it's Uuuuuuuuhn like Duh!"  
  
"Oh...Really?" Noin asked. "Sorry Colonel Une."  
  
"No!!! You said it wrong!! Is it THAT HARD?!" Une screamed.   
  
"Um...sorry...Colonel...Une..."   
  
"ARGH!!! NO THAT"S WRONG!!!!" Une started running around like a be-headed chicken yelling at anyone she came within 15 feet of, "My name is Lady UNE!!! UNE!!!!!!!"  
  
Zechs  
  
Zechs had been dragged along to Wal-Mart for no apparent reason. He had just walked in when a small child walked by him. The little kid looked up at him and stared. He stared back. All of the sudden the kid screamed.  
  
"Biiiiiiiiird Maaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!" Zechs stood there for a second.  
  
"What the heck are you talking about?"  
  
"Biiiiiiiiird Maaaaaaaan!!!!!!!" the little boy yelled as he ran in circles with his arms out stretched like wings. Zechs stared at him. The little boy ran in circles yelling Bird Man until he ran into a wall and passed out. Zechs decided to ignore this for his own sanity and started to walk through the aisles of the store. Every time a kid saw him he would scream Bird Man, jump into a pool of sunlight and then run around yelling until he hit something. It became very annoying.   
  
By pure luck Zechs walked into the toy aisles. Every kid there ran around, yelled, and then ran into the shelves of toys causing them all to fall onto the floor. One that was on the very top fell and hit Zechs on the head. He caught it as it bounced off his glossy (just waxed) helmet and looked at it. There was a strange man in spandex wearing a helmet that looked like his. He studied it then turned it around to read the back.  
It said that this was Bird Man, a superhero, who had a pet hawk and needed light to fight evil. Zechs tossed the toy into the large pile and walked out of the huge mass of fallen toys and unconscious kids.   
  
Noin  
  
Noin had been silently following Zechs, watching his every move. In her hand she held a pad of paper and a pen. She wrote down every single thing he did. Nothing escaped her eyes. When Zechs walked out of the toy aisle she walked up, grabbed the Bird Man toy, noted how superheroes were copying Zechs these days, pulled out a gun and blew it to smithereens.   
  
"That's what happens to anyone who gets near Zechs, copies him, or falls on his head." She growled. She slipped behind another shelf and continued to stalk Zechs.  
  
Wu Fei  
  
Wu Fei, after escaping the wrath of kibbles, had been kindly escorted out of the shop and was busying himself by throwing grenades at passing birds.   
  
Trowa  
  
Trowa finally got bored with standing. He pulled out his perfectly hidden brush and started to comb his hair over his eye. He kept on brushing and realized how wonderful it was to be doing something.  
  
Quatre  
  
Quatre had been running around complimenting people, when he ran into a fat guy with blond hair and glasses, wearing a pink shirt tied to expose his belly. He told him how stunning he looked, and the guy made a weird sort of girlish giggle.   
"Th-thank you..." He said shyly.   
  
"Oh no problem." Quatre said happily. He was about to turn and leave to compliment other people when the guy stopped him.  
  
"You know..." He almost squealed softly. "My...friends giggle and I are having a worldwide contest for the nicest...and cutest gigglegiggle guy in the world. I'd like to nominate...you..." He giggled.   
  
Quatre looked enraptured. "Me? Really??? You'd like to nominate ME?" his eyes grew watery and large with happiness. "Oh I've never been so happy in my life..."  
  
"Great then!" The man said in a high-pitched voice while waving one hand back and forth. "Then just come with me!"  
  
Duo  
  
In count, Duo had spent 28 dollars on the crane game. He finally got fed up with it and turned to go inside the store. Right before he passed the second doors, he saw a different machine. This one had a bunch of white lights framing it, with a few red ones. He read the instructions.   
  
"So all I hafta do is get that light to land on a red one?" he asked himself in amazement. He ran wand got change for a 50.   
  
Heero and Relena  
  
Relena was now hoarse after yelling "Heero!" over and over as Heero threw himself off shelves. Heero was bruised but to his disdain, not dead. He had jumped off the different shelves exactly 260,428 times. He was almost getting tired, but he kept climbing. Finally after his 260,429 time Heero knocked himself out cold. Relena was already passed out from lack of oxygen. They both just lay there for a while.   
  
  
  
  
Treize  
  
Treize had finished his ballet and was stockpiling rose scents. He had three shopping carts filled with rose scents and had gone to get another one to fill up with a different type. He was feeling courageous today. He walked back to the aisle and dumped about 85 bottles of Herbal Essences Daisy smelling shampoo and conditioner, then got 294 bottles of Morning Mist Violet hairspray. He looked over his shopping carts and stopped to think if he was forgetting anything.   
  
Lady Une  
  
Lady Une ran all around the Wal-Mart screaming her name out over and over. A security guard got angry when she flew up in his face and yelled, "I AM LADY UNE!!!" over and over so he took her to a little corner to have a private talk.   
  
Zechs  
  
As Zechs walked around every single person he saw now, old or young, started yelling Bird Man as he passed. He tried to ignore it, but it was really started to wear on his nerves. Finally when an old lady walked by and started yelling Bird Man he snapped. He started to laugh, and wouldn't stop. Then he ran into a pool of light and yelled "Biiiiiiiird Maaaaaaaaan!!!!!!" Then he ran around like crazy yelling Bird Man and punching people who looked like they might be robbers. He saw Heero lying on the ground and walked up to him. He looked up and saw the marks where Heero had climbed up the self. It gave him an idea.   
  
Noin  
  
Noin started to get worried about Zechs. "What is he doing?" She wondered aloud to himself. When she saw him yelling Bird Man she knew there was something wrong. She dropped the notebook and ran. Suddenly she stopped herself.   
  
"Wait, if Zechs is doing this, it must be right. Zechs is always right, and whatever he does MUST be right! What was I thinking? I should always agree with Zechs no matter what!" She went back and picked up her notebook. She walked by one of those machines that gives out disposable cameras. She pulled out 2 dollars and bought one.   
  
  
About two hours later Relena and Heero woke up. Heero remembered he had money in his other pocket too, so stopped trying to commit suicide. As they walked through the aisles they saw Une running to people and whispering   
  
"My name is Lady UNE!" They saw Treize at the checkout line with 48 shopping carts of different bath soaps, 40 of them Rose scented. The kept looking for everyone else and saw Quatre with the fat guy, his eyes getting wide as the guy took off his bras.   
  
Quatre started running, and ran straight into them. The three of them continued their search for the other Gundam pilots.   
  
When they saw Trowa, he was still brushing his hair so they lead him away from the place where his shoe prints were now permanently melded into the tile floor. They went through all the aisles and saw Zechs jumping from the top of one to the other yelling Bird Man and throwing things at people under him. They gave up on finding Wu Fei and Duo now, and decided it would probably be quieter and less sadistic without them anyway.   
  
As they walked through the sliding doors to the parking lot they saw a large pile of toys in front of an empty machine. They looked and saw every single game had a huge pile of toys in front of it except for the crane game. Duo was standing on front of the crane game yelling at it that it was a piece of junk and was impossible to win. He turned and saw the other Gundam pilots and grinned.  
  
'Hey look at all the games I won!!" He held up a small black stuffed...thing. "I even got a Grim Reaper!"  
  
"Um...that's nice Duo...pick up your toys now and lets go..." Relena said in a very motherly voice. Duo sighed and picked up all of the toys, which was quite a task.   
  
They found Wu Fei still chucking grenades at birds and yelled at him to hurry up and come.   
  
"So how much money did you spend?" Relena asked Quatre.  
  
"None..."  
  
"Oh, we spent 80,000 dollars....about..."  
  
"Well I spent 652,768 dollars and 50 cents!" Duo piped up.  
  
Relena looked at what looked like a walked mass of stuffed animals and key chains.   
  
"Where'd you get that much money?"  
  
Duo blinked. "I have no idea."  
  
As they got in car they saw Zechs jump through the ceiling of the Wal-Mart, Noin running right behind him. Treize walked out pushing his shopping carts with Lady Une jumping around beside him saying her name over and over. As they drove away Zechs yelled,  
  
"This Wal-Mart is the spawning place of evil no good BAD GUYS! I, Bird Man, shall destroy it and be rid of this breeding ground of filth FOREVER!" he grabbed Noin, who he thought was his hawk, jumped from the roof into his mode of transportation, his Tallgeese. And blew the Wal-Mart into a bazillion pieces. No one in the Yugo noticed but as Treize turned around and looked he commented o no one in particular,  
  
"Did Zechs just jump off a dock?"  
  
Lady Une answered, "My name is Lady Une!!"  
  
  
*Think I'm insane? Want to knock some sense into me? Or do you just share my love of the..uh..whatever you think this was? Any comments, flames, death-threats, or top secret bomb locations can be sent to me at General_Azurite@hotmail.com !! Thanks! ^.-*  



End file.
